Before we get started, I just want to thank all of you who have taken the time to leave comments and write emails. When I first started this series, I wasn’t exactly sure where it would go, but I just felt there was a need. It is overwhelming to me how God has directed this series and used this study to help so many marriages. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. I am praying for you and your marriages.

“The Performance of a Lifetime”
The subtitle for this chapter is “Despite their ‘in control’ exterior, men often feel like impostors and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered.”

Husbands are continually concerned that they are being and watched and judged. The survey showed that 3/4 of men are insecure about others’ opinions of them. The truth is that when they don’t know everything about what they are doing they fell like they are one mistake away from being “found out”. To cover up for these feelings, men will often work long hours. They may also become emotionally worn down. If anyone were to think that your husband couldn’t “cut it”, he would be humiliated.

Here are a few of the things that are driving your man…

1. He feels like he is always being judged. – He is hard enough on himself. He doesn’t need your help in this area. When you make a joke at his expense, it cuts through him.
2. He feels like he doesn’t know how to do things. He feels that he needs to stay one step ahead of the game so no one will think that he doesn’t know what he is doing.
3. He really does want a challenge. It seems contradictory, but it is just part of who your husband is. He knows he will have to face the feelings that he might be humiliated while learning something new, but he does want to do it. He just doesn’t want anyone to know that he is just learning or that it is his first time trying it.

Your Husband At Work
As you can imagine, these feelings take their biggest toll on your husband at his job. When your husband works longs hours at his job, when his job doesn’t necessarily call for it, he is trying to squelch the fear that he will be inadequate and that he may be “found out.”

Your Husband At Home
At work, your husband has a way to judge how he is doing. There are specific successes and failures to help him along. But what about at home? How can he judge his success there? Your man does want to be a good husband and father. He may just feel like he does not know how to do that. In his mind, his success is determined by the way he can tell that his wife feels loved and happy. Imagine his delight when you honor him in public.

So what can we do? Know that how you act and what you say make a difference to him. If your husband knows that you believe in him, he will have the confidence that he needs to accomplish great things. I love this quote from the book:

“A husband can slay dragons, climb mountains, and win great victories if he believes his wife believes he can.”

Believe in your husband!

Don’t tear your husband down. Many of the men felt unappreciated at home. You love your husband and appreciate how he provides for your family, but does he know that you do?

Men will seek affirmation from somewhere. They will invest their time in sports where they can feel valued and appreciated by their team. They will spend long hours at work where they will be rewarded by promotion or raises. They will spend extra time with the female co-worker who is all too ready to show her admiration. …Or…. They will spend time at home with their loving and adoring wife.

We must make our homes a place where our husbands can relax, feel affirmed, and not be afraid to make mistakes. Your home should be a haven to your husband. If we pay too much attention to his mistakes, we can actually make things worse for him.

Sex – It doesn’t matter what a husband is dealing with in the “outside world” if his wife affirms him in this way. When your husband feels that you don’t want him near you, it is worse to him than any career rejection that he could ever face. When he knows that you want him in this way, it will build his confidence and assurance in other areas.

Does your husband know that you have confidence in him?